Time.

I remember when I was little, I used to lay in bed and cry at night because I was so upset I was getting older. I wanted to stay young forever. I really didn't have a good explanation for this. Perhaps I knew somewhere in my soul that the older I got the quicker time would go and the harder it would be to focus on the small beautiful things in life. I have always made an effort to notice the beauty and enjoy the moment. Even with my best intentions, however, I feel the days slipping by me and I find it easier and easier to get lost in a sea of 'adult' worries.

Harper is 10 months old now. I am in shock how quickly the last 10 months have gone. She amazes me every day. And while the days fly even faster it is so refreshing to see the world through her eyes. Everything is a first and everything is incredible. She held a pear for the first time at the market the other night and it seriously almost blew her mind she was so excited.

The last 10 months have been a strange roller coaster of new emotions. Getting to know this astonishing little person who has joined our family has been completely awe-inspiring. We also survived our first deployment and are working on our second, we had an amazing summer filled with family visiting, celebrated Harpers first holidays, and I lost a very dear friend.

There are things that happen in life that make no sense. I have found trying to make sense of them is no good for me. Rather I have to focus on trying to find peace and readjust my world accordingly.

This plays into what I was saying about time. It is so so easy to take for granted that there will be more time. More time to call and catch up, more time to tell someone how much they mean to you, more time to meet the new neighbor, more time to start that project, or go volunteer, or take that trip, or to be the kind of person you always thought you would be. In reality though, we have no idea. Every moment is precious (I know this is cliche, but generally, things don't get to be cliche because they aren't true right?).

It is an awesome responsibility to be a parent (I don't mean awesome as in 'really cool' I mean awesome as in huge, overwhelming and impressive). You have a life in your hands, your actions and decisions (for at least the first several years) shape who they will become. This is something I try to both not take to seriously and not take to lightly. It is a strange balancing act.

There is one truth I am absolutely sure of however, we cannot stop time, or slow it down no matter how hard we try or wish we could. Now that I have a wee person watching my every move and because I am only getting older I have decided to make some changes, or rather just refocus and get back to doing things I sometime forget to do.

- I will never be to busy to stop and appreciate the beauty of mother nature.

- I will make time for friends, old and new and cherish those relationships.

- I will do things for myself that I love and that I often think I'm to busy for.

- I will try to be a more generous person. Not so much generous as in giving tangible things, but rather generous in a more intangible spiritual sense.

I am excited to see what will come next. In the mean time however, I am going to be enjoying my amazing little family and doing my best to put into this beautiful world all I hope to get back out of it.

Much Love-

L